It has been a very hectic few weeks. I won’t go into specifics, but there has been joy, tragedy, hardships and renewals. As a Mom I often feel so inadequate and like time is not on my side. It often seems like there just aren’t enough hours in the day. I find myself making mental notes as I clean or run errands. Reminding myself what I need to do, when I need to do it, how I need to do it. And then … well… I do it.
I work so hard at making sure everything gets done, that my responsibilities are met, that my bills are paid, my cupboards are stocked, and my kids are happy. But often lately I’ve thought about my children, and the time I actually spend with them. While they certainly don’t need me hovering, or spending every waking minute with them, and of course I DO have to find time for me (Just to keep some semblance of sanity) I often feel like I get so caught up in all the “tasks” that I forget that they need me to just chill and enjoy them.
Being a mommy is the most important role I will ever have in this life. My children (even when they are driving me nuts- tattling, bickering, whining that they aren’t getting their way) are a blessing, and my purpose. I truly believe that. Though I didn’t give birth to each of them they are all a part of me. And woven together we are a family.
I was thinking as I was cleaning this morning, about my babies, and my ‘job’ as their Mommy. About what I want for them. What I want to BE for them. As I sat down to rest and just enjoy the quiet of an empty home I thought of this quote….
No other success in life- not being President, or being wealthy, or going to college, or writing a book, or anything else- comes up to the success of the man or woman who can feel that they have done their duty and that their children and grandchildren rise up and call them blessed. ~ President Theodore Roosevelt.
Blessed. Imagining my children all grown up and living their lives and looking back and saying “My Mom was a good Mom. She truly loved us in every way.” That put a smile on my face, and of course got me to thinking.
Most of my time is spent with my kids. I am with them a LOT. But being present, isn’t my goal. People can be present and still not have a positive impact. I can be with them, but not with them. Sometimes moms get wrapped up in our other pursuits. Focused on relational struggles, preoccupied with keeping the castle clean and checking items off our to- do- list, engrossed in a book, or a tv show, or a website, that we are oblivious to a teenager who needs to talk, or a child who wants to cuddle or chubby little fingers tugging at our jeans.
I want to be there for them. ALL there. Mind, body and soul.
I noticed that sometimes I am so busy “doing” that I don’t always hear. You know, when the kids are talking and you are just kind of nodding your head and answering, “Uh-huh. Yeah. That’s nice dear.” I don’t mean to do it. None of us mean to. I think we just get so used to hearing the little voices all the time that sometimes we forget that they do have important things to say. Things they need us to hear.
I like to think I am amazing at giving my kids advice. At being the go-to –mom that they can come to and I can magically with a few words of wisdom completely change their perspective, give them a new idea or help them along the way. This IS true. LOL However, I read a statistic the other day and it came back to me. Stay at home moms spend about 30 minutes a day truly conversing with their kids, and working moms fewer than 11 minutes. If we figure that half the time is the mom talking that drops it down to fifteen minutes and 5.5 minutes. I heard once that as long as I am talking I am not learning. I need to listen to my babies if I want to be a good student of them.
Even God knows that sometimes we don’t listen, but says that when we do it is good.
In Matthew 13:14 Jesus said “You will keep on hearing but will not understand, and you will keep on seeing but will not perceive” And he also tells what will happen when we do listen. (verse 16) Blessed are your eyes because they see; and your ears because they hear.” BLESSED.
All of us want to be heard. Even our babies. I don’t think we ever outgrow the need to be heard. If I don’t listen and HEAR my kids, they will find someone else. I want that someone to be Mommy.
Being Mommy has a huge job description-
Mother, friend, housekeeper, interior decorator, laundress, gourmet chef (ok maybe not so gourmet), short order cook, chauffer, painter, wallpaper hanger, seamstress, nurse, guidance counselor, internal affairs CEO, financial planner, travel agent, administrative assistant, disciplinarian, preacher, teacher, tutor, spiritual advisor, dietician, lecturer, librarian, fashion coordinator, private investigator, cheerleader, manicurist, pedicurist, landscaper, hair stylist, psychologist, plumber, computer programmer, automobile maintenance expert, referee, janitor, gift purchasing agent, potty trainer… the list could go on.
As big of a job as it is, there is no salary, but the fringe benefits are outstanding: hugs, kisses, and buckets of love.
Even though my hat changes from one minute to the next, even though the days get hectic and there are many things to do, I hope I assure my children daily through everything, and through just listening to them, that my love never changes, my support never tires, and my commitment to being the best mommy I can be is un-moveable. And maybe one day when they are grown and can appreciate all that being their Mommy requires, they will call me blessed.
21 Ways to Listen to Your Child
Be patient
Don’t complete their sentences
Let them finish even if it seems like rambling
Don’t interrupt
Face your child and make eye contact
Lean forward if seated to show them that you are interested
Take your children along on errands
Ask good questions but avoid the question ‘why’
Ask their opinion about something that happened to you
Don’t jump to conclusions
Don’t change the subject. Make verbal responses.
Avoid telling them not to feel a certain way
Turn off the tv
Close the laptop or set it aside
Put down the mop, newspaper, or dishtowel
Encourage them to tell you more “Then what did they say?” “What did he do next?”
When they are telling of a struggle, rephrase and repeat what you heard, to let them know you understand and hear.
Don’t always point out grammar mistakes but listen for the point of the story
Let the phone ring, or a text wait if your child is in the middle of telling you about an event
Don’t glance at your watch while they are talking
God gave you two ears and one mouth for a good reason. Listen twice as much as you talk.
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