Christmas Memories 1

Santa kind of gives me the creeps. I mean think about it. We tell our kids to stay away from strangers, but one time a year we take them and not only have them talk to a stranger, but actually put them on his lap. His lap! *Shiver* Is that not a little odd to you? It's a little odd to me. And actually when I think about how many Santa's laps I sat on as a kid it weirds me out. Ewwww.

That was my rant about the oddities of Christmas,..at least for the time being. So I'll grace you with the real subject of this blog now, if you're still reading- and I so hope you are. Come on, you know you wanna!

I've always loved Christmas. Well I mean who doesn't love it as a kid, right? But even as an adult I looked forward to the holiday season. Not because of the gifts or the tree, or Santa whom kind of gives me the creeps, but because it meant Christmas baking and cooking, and gift making.


The idea of making gifts - either edible or not- gives me a happy happy joy joy feeling from my toes all the way to the roots of my hair. You know the feeling,....you get shivers and it feels like your hair is about to come unrooted, in a good way ofcourse.


I come from a long line of bakers and makers. My mom's family has always been creative and crafty. We used to get home made gifts every year. Whether this was because it was cheaper, and there were years where my Mom just couldn't afford to pass out store bought gifts to our huge family, or whether it was just something she enjoyed I have no idea. However, I used to love the gifts, and the rest of my family used to oooh and aaaah about them.


One of my favorite Christmas memories is going over to my aunts while my mom and aunt baked and created gifts for family. I was in awe with all the baking ingredients spread out on the table. My little brain couldn't wrap around the idea that theere were so many melting chocolates, sugars, flowers, chips, candies, candy molds etc in one place. I was in candy wonderland.

I can still smell the chocolates melting, and the cookies baking. And almost taste the beaters and the spoons that my mom let me nibble and lick.

My sister and I watched for hours as my Aunt and Mother made creation after creation. Cookies of all shapes, sizes, and flavors; chocolate covered cherries, choc covered pretzels, red crunch bars, peppermint candies, peanut brittle, chocolate suckers, green and chocolate striped mints, the list could go on and on.

They worked on their creations until the wee hours of the morning. My sister and I being just slightly ADD went back and forth from watching the Christmas tv shows to the kitchen. At some point my sister and I settled underneath the table, and fell asleep to the decadent smells. When we awoke the sun was peeking over the horizon leaving a shine across the crunchy day old snow fall. My aunt and mother were packaging their creations in decorated boxes for various family members. Though my stomach was a little achy from all the sneak test tastes I'd taken, I loved seeing all the beautiful boxes and all the pretty creations.

As an adult I've tried to continue the tradition. I'll be the first to admit that over the past few years I totally dropped the ball. But hey, it's hard to get in the Christmas spirit of things when you are recovering from divorce one year, expecting a baby at the end of the month the next year, and trying to finish up your second semester of going back to college the next year.

However this year I have made an effort to put the fun back into the creating and making and all the memories have wafted back. Now it's my children licking, nibbling, and getting that look of pure bliss on their faces. Not only do I get to make gifts for people that mean something to me, but I get to give the gift of continuing the tradition to my children.

One day they will have warm memories to hang onto as they stand in their own kitchens with their own children. Ahhh that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy,...either that or a little nauseated at the thought of them being that grown up. YIKES!

So I challenge you all. Make some memories. More than presents, or money, or all the "things" that Christmas can sometimes be about, it's about the memories. People won't always remember what gift they received for Christmas. Children won't remember the toy that broke two days later, but the memories,....yes the memories, they last forever.

EIGHT BALL You're so SIlly!

Everyone should own an 8 ball! For real, the entertainment value is priceless. You can ask random questions and get all the knowledge you never thought you wanted. And ofcourse, if you don’t like the answer you get from the 8 ball you can always shake it again. Not that I personally would EVER do such a thing!
So, I grabbed my handy magic 8 ball and….wha? You don’t think I own one? Hmm. Ok you know me too well,..I do NOT. But I found one online LOL Yep they exist,…. http://ask-the-magic-8-ball.info/ Being bored I decided to ask random questions and see what I would get. Ok, I have done this before LOL What can I say? It makes me chuckle.

Is it ok to eat choolate chip cookie dough after 1 AM? Better not tell you now

Huh? What kind of answer is that? Better tell me RIGHT now because I’m about to sneak into the kitchen open up the package and spoon some up right now!

Should I invest in Tylenol for my next semester classes? You can count on it

And so I will!

Is it good parenting to get drive thru two nights in a one week every couple of weeks? As I see it yes

Great. I knew it, see everyone else is wrong! Thanks 8ball!

Is my hair too crazy for me? Ask me later

Wha? Whatever, scaredy cat. That is NOT an answer. Did I get a male 8 Ball?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? Reply hazy try again

Ok yeah, that was a ridiculous question. I’ll give you that one

Does my favorite pair of jeans make my butt look big? It is undoubtedly so

Pffft. I think you got the question confused with another one. Try again?

Does my favorite pair of jeans make my butt look big? My sources say no.

Ahh much Better

Are we going to have an easy winter? Outlook not so good

Sigh. whatever, you don't know anything about weather!

Will my kids always ask what’s for lunch right after finishing breakfast? It is decidedly so.

Mmmk. Awesome. Maybe I can get all three meals out of the way before noon.

Would you be willing to go around with me and just answer some of the lame questions I get from people some times? I could just whip you out shake you and show them the answer? My reply is no.

Fine. Have it your way. You’d probably say yes or no to the wrong things anyway. Hmph

Do you believe that monkeys can fly around, have kids, go crazy, shave their heads, and get a lot of attention? Without a doubt

Ah, so you’ve heard of Brittney Spears too?

Will I ever win poker again? Very doubtful

Uh, NO! wrong answer.

Will I ever win poker again? Ask yourself

Why are you being so stubborn on this one? You’re just a stupid act of odds anyway! So stick that in your water and float it! (or something)

Has everyone peed a little when they sneeze? Better not tell you now

Huh? Is it that big a deal? You’re just afraid your answer will make me feel like a big weirdo, aren’t you?

Will the world eventually have a REAL zombie attack? Signs point to yes

Ok, so maybe 'he' is right about SOME things.

Should I go to bed and stop being silly with you, my cute virtual 8 ball? Yes, definitely

Oh reeeally? That tired of me already? Hmm I thought we were friends.

Want to snuggle? Without a doubt.

Awww, Good 8 ball!

Wednesday Randomness

Oh come on,admit it,you've wondered. And if you've discovered any of the answers feel free to share!!
1.Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?

2.Why do they sterilize needles before lethal injections?

3.Why is a person who plays the piano called a painist but a person who races cars isn't called a racist?

4.What hair color do they put on the drivers license of a bald man?

5.What if you're in hell and you're mad at someone? Where do you tell them to go?

6. If mineral water has been trickling down for millions of years why does it have an expiration date on the bottle?

7.Why do we say an alarm clock is going off when it is really going on?

8.Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

9.whose cruel idea was it to have the leter 's' in the word lisp?

10. How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?

11.If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

12.Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?

13.Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?

14.How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

15.If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

I can't believe I said that.

Ever imagine what you would or wouldn't say as a parent? I've been suprised, shocked, even amazed at the many situations parenting has put me in. I compiled a list of 10 things I can't believe I have said as a parent. (there are a lot more than that ha)

1. Yay! You went poopy! And it was inside the potty chair this time!

2. It might be your body, but I am in charge of it until you are 18 and you are NOT piercing that.

3. Yo Gabba Gabba fans in da house!

4. Just because the cat licks itself clean does not mean that YOU need to lick yourself clean. We have bathtubs for that.

5. Awww, your picture is beautiful. Umm what is it?

6. Because I said so, and if you don't like it, lick it stamp it and mail it to somebody who cares because I am the boss!

7. Oh you fell and hit your bottom. You got a boo-boo. Want mommy to kiss your butt and make it feel better?

8. Yes, bleach kills germs, but you can NOT clean the koolaid stain off the carpet with it. SIGH

9. You had better stop talking to me like that I am not one of your friends.

10. I know you wanted the pink shirt instead of the white one, but throwing your red crayon into the dryer was not the solution!

So what are some things you've said that you wre suprised to hear coming out of your mouth?

Equilibrium

In seventh grade, in mid October, our school (Lakeview) had a flag football game in a muddy corn field. A farmer not only let us use his field, but we got the fire department to come out and completely drown the field. Sound disgusting? Uh NO! It was awesome. Forty or so of us taking turns trudging through mud that was probably about a foot deep. Dressed in clothes that we knew would get ruined. Falling, tackling, laughing, FREEZING. Then cimbing back on the bus- hair caked in mud clumps, faces smeared with brown goo and whatever else was in the field-huge white smiles on our faces. We had a blast.

The next day was a Saturday- thank goodness, because we were so sore and exhausted from the game. Who knew that trying to run through mud could make you discover muscles you never knew you had? Not a seventh grader for sure. My friends and I laid around the entire weekend. Every turn of my body hurt. Each step caused me to wince. I knew that we were having difficulty getting through the mud, but I just never thought it would affect my body the way it had.

I think sometimes life is similar. Of course, it isn't always as enjoyable as the muddy football, but sometimes the results are the same.

There you are, moving through life events-sometimes they seem fun, sometimes tedious, sometimes just excruciating. But you trudge through. Every now and then (just like in the football game) you lose a shoe in the mud, have to stop and dig it out then try to cram it back on your foot- cold mud oozing between your toes.. Sometimes you feel a big clump of mud work its way into the back of your pants and you know it will be a disgusting mess to clean up.

It's not until it's over, until you've had a chance to rest that you realize just how crazy the event was. Just how much you did, how much it affected your body- your mind, or how much you put yourself through/ went through.

I recently realized that I was in that post-mud phase. Sitting back avoiding sudden movements that might cause me significant discomfort, trying to recouperate from events that I hadn't even realized had affected me like they had. I had been fully aware that some of them were chaotic, and had reaked havoc on life at that moment...but the complete picture hadn't been made clear to me.

So in that post-mud phase the realization hit me, and I stopped spinning in proverbial circles. A little dizzy, very sore, and feeling a little woozy I could clearly see and feel all that I had come through. All that God had brought me through. I was a little amazed at myself but even more amazed and thankful for God's grace.

It took some time for the affects of the phase to dissipate, but once they did I found myself in a place that felt amazing to me. Not only did I clearly see all I'd been brought through, but I saw positives where once I had struggled to see them. I felt them too.

Out of the mire, and through the side effects of it, entering into a new phase. Looking at the past with new vision, seeing my triumphs as well as my slip-ups. Feeling rejuvenated, empowered and ready to face tomorrow and the day after and the day after that.

I'm sure there will be other mud football moments. Other post- mud phases, but this is the first time in my life that I've seen it all so clearly, and it's been amazing to finally feel like I've gotten my equilibrium back and be excited about moving forward.

I was listening to the radio the other day and someone said that some of life's crazy events happen to us to not only show us that we can make it through, but to allow us to become even better people, and to see that God is ALWAYS there. That He is sufficient, and has it under control even when it doesn't seem that way.

I can say that is true. And now, through the post mud phase of the moment, I can clearly see that He not only got me through, but as bad as I thought it was at moments, I never truly experienced how major the moments were because He was there.

Standing steady and rejuvenated I'm proud of myself. I stumbled, and sometimes fell down but I never let go of my faith or hope. In the past I might have let it all overwhelm me. But apparently as I grow older I actually DO learn =)

And though all of life's questions aren't magically answered, and some of life's uncertainties still remain uncertain-I have overcome and continue to grow into an even stronger woman. The prospect of that feels incredible.

A Little Every Day

As I lay in my bed -unable to drift off just yet- I am listening to my beautiful baby girl, who after an exhausting day, passed out at elevenish only to awaken just twenty minutes ago at 2am.

Her sweet babbling curls my lips into a smile before I even realize it, and I feel amazingly warm and full of an inexplicable emotion. A good emotion. A comforting emotion.

Through the monitor I can hear her. Talking just to talk? Imagining? Playing? "Mommy- Bobby- I do (something or other)- - one, two, three, five- inaudible words followed by happy giggles."

Is she thinking about her day at the Chucksters? Her adventures with the large gray mouse? Her visit with Alex ? Has she already forgotten the day and is just sitting happily in her crib?
She is rarely unhappy.Smiling, laughing, and so inquisitive. When I say that she is probably the happiest baby I have ever seen? Well I'm not just being a bragging Mommy, though I would for sure. She is just soooo happy. It's refreshing and makes me smile from somewhere deep within.
Her everyday joy and innocence and the way she views the world make me stop and try to view things her way.

Ofcourse. It's true, she is a child who hasn't experienced life in the same way I have in the thirty SOME years I've been around. But I truly believe that one of the many gifts she brings to my life is to remind me of all the hidden joys. The simple pleasures. The past couple months have been, for lack of a better adjective, "Intense".

Seems like every time things might be calming down, or coming together something hits, and ussually pretty hard. And ofcourse, every time I get to a place where I begin to feel stronger in my faith, or my mind, something happens to try to shake that.

I supposse that's part of life. Being tested. Being allowed the opportunity to continue to have faith.

There have been a few moments when I felt like I had neared the capacity of what my mind or body could handle. And, in honesty I don't believe I have passed every test.

However, I feel like I'm being given opportunities to grow, become a better person, to lean not on my own understandings and- lately- to search for the joys even when there are things in life that are just crummy.

It's hard some days. I worry about my children. Want to be the best Mom I can be. And sometimes it's very easy to let sadness or grief over events cause me to forget the good stuff. I have had moments of despair, and times when I have had to have someone else remind me of the positives. And i don't think it's an all together bad thing. I AM human. It has made me so much more thankful for people in my life who help me to see those things. Who encourage me. Who pray for my family.

I'm blessed with children who show me everyday that they are resilliant, and amazing. With friends who remind me of the good, and offer support. I am blessed with a life that even in the bad times is quite amazing.

I am thankful. So thankful. For everything. Regardless of imperfections, or things out of my control. For the stuff that makes me sad or breaks my heart. For the things that bring me joy and put a smile on my face. For all of it. Because ALL of it is part of who I am, and how I handle it will ultimately define who I become.

I might not always get it right. But I refuse to give up. The smiles and laughter of my children just drive that desire home even more.

20 Months,..ahh the Wonders!

Why am I so surprised by the changes going on with my 20 month old? I have been so amazingly blessed to have the best baby in the world! Ok so I know that every mom probably says that but it’s true.

My baby girl has got to be the happiest baby on the planet. Everyone who knows her has commented on her constant smiling and laughing. What can I say she’s a lot like her Mommy. (ha, ok that was sarcasm)

Anyway imagine my surprise when my happy, sweet, loveable, huggable baby decided to get a mind of her own!!

I know this happens. Babies get older. They learn to walk, and then talk, and then say no. Oh how I wish I could delete that word from her vocabulary.

I love all her milestones, and have been amazed at how quickly she learns. She is growing into a little person, with words, and phrases, acrobats, and amazing feats. But every milestone means she is becoming more...well,... independent.

She is still adorable, and has the most cheerful demeanor ever, but there are moments,… well she is just stubborn, and knows what she wants and is not happy until she gets it. Hmm now that one might really be a gift from her Momma.

A lot of my time with her is spent re-directing her, soothing her sadness because she can’t have something, or picking up a mess she has made only to turn around and discover that she has made another one. It can be exhausting.

I hesitate to call the events tantrums, because from everything I have seen and read, even her “events” are mild and good compared to some babies. So we’ll go with “events”.


This week we’ve had events regarding the following things
- Mommy took the can of food away from me that I got out of the lazy susan
- Why can’t I have the tube of tooth paste from the bathroom?
- Let me play in the toilet water! I want to play in it and flush it and stir it with whatever object I can find to stir it with. What do you mean it’s nasty?
- I want a cookie! Not this cookie , that cookie, even though they look exactly the same.
- I want to play on your laptop. Why is it a big deal if I type while you are typing? What does that pop up box that just came up mean?
- The cup on the nightstand full of water is for me right? Oops I spilled on a book. Was that important?
- You’re brushing your teeth. I want to brush mine. NOW!
- I don’t want to sit in my high chair. Stop trying to make me or I won’t eat!
- Baby? Baby?! Baby! I want my baby doll!
- Bottle? Bottle?! Bottle?! No, not milk. Juice.
- Don’t make me leave the space right between your legs in front of the stove while you are cooking. I want to be right there.
- No diaper! I don’t want to wear it. Stop putting it on me.

And the list could go on….

Some of these events include her just letting out an unpleased holler or squeal. Others include flopping to the floor, making sure I am watching, and then pretending or not so much pretending to bonk her head on the floor.

Oh no you didn’t, little one! Yep, yep she did. SIGH

Most of the ‘events’ happen at home. But there have been a few times this week where we have been out and about and she has decided to show everyone her mad skills. Usually it is because she wants to run free without holding mommy’s hand, or because I can’t allow her to have something.

Regardless the reason, or what began the situation I always seem to get a few similar looks that speak volumes.

Oh my can’t she control that child?
Gosh, I am so sorry for you, but I’m glad it’s you and not me.
And then there is the smile and sometimes even the audible “Oh isn’t she cute.”

Uh no. Not right this second.

So,…I am thinking,…either this is the beginning of the terrible two’s, or just her defining herself and trying to become her own person.

Hopefully it’s the latter, because she hasn’t hit two yet, and I can’t imagine a whole year of it, or it getting even ‘better’.

How do people even think about getting pregnant again when their precious ones are in this phase of childhood?

WOW!

Dear Kids

Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.- Ed Asner


Dear Kids,

Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end.

I am simply taking a bath. It will take about thirty minutes and will involve soap and water.
Yes, I know how to swim. Even if I didn't, forcing myself to drown in a half-inch of lukewarm water is more work than I've got energy for.

(Which reminds me, I'm all for science projects, but the next time you want to see if Play-Doh floats, use cold water.)

Don't panic if I'm not out right on time.

I've heard that people don't dissolve in water and I'd like to test the theory.

While I'm in the tub, I'd like you to remember a few things.

The large slab of wood between us is called a door. Do not bang to hear my voice.

I promise that even though you can't see me, I am on the other side. I'm not digging an escape tunnel and running for the border, no matter what I said a while ago.

I didn't mean it. Honest.

There will be plenty of time later to tell me about your day. "Later" means at a time when I am no longer naked, wet, and contemplating bubble gum in the blow dryer.

I know you have important things to tell me. Please let one of them be that you have invented a new way to blow bubbles, not a new way to add gum to your hair.

Believe it or not, shouting "TELEPHONE!" through the closed bathroom door will not make the phone stop ringing. Answer it and take a message.

Since Amazing Mind-Reading Mom has the day off, you'll need to write that message down. Use paper and a pencil.

Do not use your brother and the laundry marker. We can't take him to town with telephone number tattoos.

Water makes me wet, not deaf.

I can still tell the difference between the sound of "nothing" and the sound of a child playing the piano with a basketball.

I can also hear you tattling at the top of your lungs. I'm choosing not to answer you.

Don't call your dad at work and tell him I am unconscious in the bathroom.

He didn't appreciate it last time. He won't appreciate it this time. Trust me.

No matter how much I would like it, water does not make me forgetful.

I remember who you are and why you are grounded.

No, you can't go to Shelby's house to play. No, you can't go to Shelby's house to use the bathroom.

If someone is in our other bathroom, you will just have to think dry thoughts and wait.
Unless you have four feet and a tail, do not think of going outside to "water" the lawn. I know the dog does it. The neighbors don't feel the need to call me when the dog does it.

Unless the house catches on fire, stay inside and keep the doors locked.

Do not go outside and throw rocks at the bathroom window to get my attention. I know it works in the movies.

This is reality, the place where people don't like to sit in a tub while rocks and broken glass rain in on them.

Do not set the house on fire. Call me if there is an emergency.

Emergencies are:
1. Dad has fallen off the roof.
2. Your brother and/or sister is bleeding.
3. There's a red fire truck in front of our house.
Emergencies are not:
1. Dad has fallen asleep.
2. Someone on TV is bleeding.
3. There's a red pickup truck in front of our house.

One other thing:
Being forced to use the last roll of toilet paper for a towel does not make me happy. It makes me sticky with little white polka dots.

In the future, when the tub overflows, use a mop to clean up the water instead of every towel in the house.

For my sanity's sake, let's pretend it was the tub, Okay?

No, I don't want to hear the real story. Ever. Especially not while I'm standing in the pool of water you missed.

By the way, all Play-Doh experiments are hereby cancelled.

Be good. Entertain yourselves.

Yes, you can do both at the same time. Try coloring, playing a game, or paying that stack of bills on the coffee table.

I'll be out soon. Maybe.

Love, Mom

~~ Author Unknown ~~

Off Sides!

"I am not the referee, I do not wear a black and white shirt or carry a whistle. Work it out." I've been known to say this more than a few times to any combination of my children when they come to me hollering "Mooooooom!" or "I'm telling!"

I've caught myself wondering though, what would happen if I did? Just one day I would love to put on the referee outfit carry a whistle and be that character they seem so often to view me as. No Mom word allowed!

I can see myself blowing my whistle and hollering "FOUL!"

"CROSS CHECKING!" - "INTERFERENCE!"-"OUT OF BOUNDS!"- "OFF SIDES!"-"FALSE START!" "UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS!"

I can envision doing all the hand signals and blairing my whistle. I think at first my kids would laugh and think I had lost my mind. Eventually they would get annoyed. Hmmm maybe it could work?

Could be an interesting experiment, and if it extinguished the annoying habit of tattling, how awesome would that be?

I'll have to let you know! :)

And the gift goes on....

"He will never be 'normal'. We can only hope to find a treatment that will curb his behaviors enough for him to live a productive life with as few episodes as possible."

Four days later those words still resound in my head. An ominous threat to everything I love and hold dear.

My ten year old son has bi-polar. Post traumatic stress, ADHD, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Aside from the bi-polar and ODD I have known this since several months before his adoption was final. It's always been a struggle to find things to entertain him, or keep his attention for longer than a few minutes. There have been months at atime where he would be given a combination of medicines and treatments that would work for him. For the most part he led a fairly 'normal' childhood.

I think he was about 8 when he started exhibiting more severe behaviors. And over the past year and a half he has escalated.

He was the favorite of the teachers until last year. His attention for detail and compulsion to make sure everything was in its place and done right was something that the teachers respected and enjoyed. He was a big helper.

But when his behaviors became more defiant, he began having manic episodes, and started to behave as if he knew more than everyone else,...well it became a problem. His grades ussually all A's started slipping. Kids no longer wanted to play with him, and he felt ostracized.

He struggles with anger management and seems to just flip on a dime when things aren't going the way he thinks they should. As a result he has had many behaviors that have endangered himself and others. Three hospitalizations have done little to bring about any significant change.

Although his current doctor really seems to be trying to find a combination that will bring him the most benefit. He IS doing better lately and has a very good week over all. I can honestly say I see him trying, and I am proud of him.

Tuesday though, when the doctor gave me the prognosis, I was numb. What does he mean? He will never get better? The otlook is bleak at best? Not for MY son!!!

I set my mind that we will have to deal with everything day by day. Hour by hour. That I will have to continue to encourage him and praise him when he is doing his best.

Sure, as a mother those are not things I want to hear! I want the magic pill!!! I want him to have the normalcy that I imagine would make him feel better, that woul dgive him better self image, and higher self worth. I don't want him to feel like he is always "failing."

"He isn't a bad boy. He has a good heart."

Those are the doctors words I try to cling to. The words I know to be true. The words I will hold in my own heart.

parents go through these sort of issues all over the world. Sad for their children who have disorders that affect not only the children but the entire family. I know that I am not the only one dealing with the many emotions pulsing through my mind.

I supposse we all have to choose whether to see the negative, expect the worst, worry about how it will all turn out- or hope for the best, take it day by day, and have faith.

I choose faith. And while love will not make everything ok, and certainly makes it hard when he is having a bad day and hurting everyone around him, I am hopeful that he will always feel my love, and that in some way it will help him make it through the hard times. The doctor may be right, he may never be 100% "normal" or the worlds definition of that, but he will always be my son,...my little boy, and I will never give up!

Little Boy Lost

I look in your eyes to see what I’ll see
But find just a muted reflection of me
You’re so broken, so alone
And I’m helpless to do anything to make it better for you

Torn from your mother’s arms at such a young age
Moments of time stolen from life’s page
It changed who you are, who you’ll be
My heart yearns for something more for you

Cut off and isolated, you pull away
Shutting everyone out just to get through the day
Trying to break through the walls you’ve built
I’m powerless against your obstinacy

Longing for love but unable to give it
Lacking the skills you appear to just quit
Don’t know how to make you see
That my heart is yours unconditionally

Nine years old and shattered by life
Travelling through pain, anger, hurt, strife
Will anyone break through and earn the chance to know the real you?
Or will everyone worth anything be cast out?

Hidden behind your façade of securities and strengths
Running in circles avoiding emotion at great lengths
Stop for a moment, I want to plead
And see that the world isn’t as bad as it seems

My heart’s in your hands, given full and free
But more often than not you give it back to me
I try to hide my pain, the hurt I feel with you, for you
Some days that pain turns to an angry ache I can’t appease

How do you replace a light extinguished so young?
Put a melody back into the songs unsung?
I give so much- ask so little
But in the end your hollowness hampers your ability to reciprocate

Your angry words cut clean and deep
Your detached responses often cause me to weap
I refuse to give up, give in, or walk away
It’s impossible for me to turn my love off like that

You can push and run, duck and hide
But I’ll still pray some day there will be a change in the tide
You might think you’re better off alone, unable to be hurt again
But love is never ending, never failing, and it’s patient

So do your worst to hurt the ones who love you
We know that in the end the one you really hurt is you
I won’t walk away, leave you, forsake you, abandon you
My heart is in your hands, my love won’t fade

Your fear may cause you to miss the wonderful things life offers
Help you paint yourself into a box that no one can open
But I’ll be waiting here when you decide to let yourself out
Arms outstretched, hoping to discover the light in your eyes has reappeared

Listen up Mommy

It has been a very hectic few weeks. I won’t go into specifics, but there has been joy, tragedy, hardships and renewals. As a Mom I often feel so inadequate and like time is not on my side. It often seems like there just aren’t enough hours in the day. I find myself making mental notes as I clean or run errands. Reminding myself what I need to do, when I need to do it, how I need to do it. And then … well… I do it.

I work so hard at making sure everything gets done, that my responsibilities are met, that my bills are paid, my cupboards are stocked, and my kids are happy. But often lately I’ve thought about my children, and the time I actually spend with them. While they certainly don’t need me hovering, or spending every waking minute with them, and of course I DO have to find time for me (Just to keep some semblance of sanity) I often feel like I get so caught up in all the “tasks” that I forget that they need me to just chill and enjoy them.

Being a mommy is the most important role I will ever have in this life. My children (even when they are driving me nuts- tattling, bickering, whining that they aren’t getting their way) are a blessing, and my purpose. I truly believe that. Though I didn’t give birth to each of them they are all a part of me. And woven together we are a family.

I was thinking as I was cleaning this morning, about my babies, and my ‘job’ as their Mommy. About what I want for them. What I want to BE for them. As I sat down to rest and just enjoy the quiet of an empty home I thought of this quote….

No other success in life- not being President, or being wealthy, or going to college, or writing a book, or anything else- comes up to the success of the man or woman who can feel that they have done their duty and that their children and grandchildren rise up and call them blessed. ~ President Theodore Roosevelt.

Blessed. Imagining my children all grown up and living their lives and looking back and saying “My Mom was a good Mom. She truly loved us in every way.” That put a smile on my face, and of course got me to thinking.

Most of my time is spent with my kids. I am with them a LOT. But being present, isn’t my goal. People can be present and still not have a positive impact. I can be with them, but not with them. Sometimes moms get wrapped up in our other pursuits. Focused on relational struggles, preoccupied with keeping the castle clean and checking items off our to- do- list, engrossed in a book, or a tv show, or a website, that we are oblivious to a teenager who needs to talk, or a child who wants to cuddle or chubby little fingers tugging at our jeans.

I want to be there for them. ALL there. Mind, body and soul.

I noticed that sometimes I am so busy “doing” that I don’t always hear. You know, when the kids are talking and you are just kind of nodding your head and answering, “Uh-huh. Yeah. That’s nice dear.” I don’t mean to do it. None of us mean to. I think we just get so used to hearing the little voices all the time that sometimes we forget that they do have important things to say. Things they need us to hear.

I like to think I am amazing at giving my kids advice. At being the go-to –mom that they can come to and I can magically with a few words of wisdom completely change their perspective, give them a new idea or help them along the way. This IS true. LOL However, I read a statistic the other day and it came back to me. Stay at home moms spend about 30 minutes a day truly conversing with their kids, and working moms fewer than 11 minutes. If we figure that half the time is the mom talking that drops it down to fifteen minutes and 5.5 minutes. I heard once that as long as I am talking I am not learning. I need to listen to my babies if I want to be a good student of them.

Even God knows that sometimes we don’t listen, but says that when we do it is good.
In Matthew 13:14 Jesus said “You will keep on hearing but will not understand, and you will keep on seeing but will not perceive” And he also tells what will happen when we do listen. (verse 16) Blessed are your eyes because they see; and your ears because they hear.” BLESSED.
All of us want to be heard. Even our babies. I don’t think we ever outgrow the need to be heard. If I don’t listen and HEAR my kids, they will find someone else. I want that someone to be Mommy.

Being Mommy has a huge job description-

Mother, friend, housekeeper, interior decorator, laundress, gourmet chef (ok maybe not so gourmet), short order cook, chauffer, painter, wallpaper hanger, seamstress, nurse, guidance counselor, internal affairs CEO, financial planner, travel agent, administrative assistant, disciplinarian, preacher, teacher, tutor, spiritual advisor, dietician, lecturer, librarian, fashion coordinator, private investigator, cheerleader, manicurist, pedicurist, landscaper, hair stylist, psychologist, plumber, computer programmer, automobile maintenance expert, referee, janitor, gift purchasing agent, potty trainer… the list could go on.

As big of a job as it is, there is no salary, but the fringe benefits are outstanding: hugs, kisses, and buckets of love.

Even though my hat changes from one minute to the next, even though the days get hectic and there are many things to do, I hope I assure my children daily through everything, and through just listening to them, that my love never changes, my support never tires, and my commitment to being the best mommy I can be is un-moveable. And maybe one day when they are grown and can appreciate all that being their Mommy requires, they will call me blessed.

21 Ways to Listen to Your Child

Be patient
Don’t complete their sentences
Let them finish even if it seems like rambling
Don’t interrupt
Face your child and make eye contact
Lean forward if seated to show them that you are interested
Take your children along on errands
Ask good questions but avoid the question ‘why’
Ask their opinion about something that happened to you
Don’t jump to conclusions
Don’t change the subject. Make verbal responses.
Avoid telling them not to feel a certain way
Turn off the tv
Close the laptop or set it aside
Put down the mop, newspaper, or dishtowel
Encourage them to tell you more “Then what did they say?” “What did he do next?”
When they are telling of a struggle, rephrase and repeat what you heard, to let them know you understand and hear.
Don’t always point out grammar mistakes but listen for the point of the story
Let the phone ring, or a text wait if your child is in the middle of telling you about an event
Don’t glance at your watch while they are talking
God gave you two ears and one mouth for a good reason. Listen twice as much as you talk.

Twiddle Twit- More kid funnies

It's been a while since I shared some of the off the wall things my kiddos say, so I thought what better time to share than now- when a couple of them are driving me batty. It helps to acknowledge the things that make me smile on the days when they are helping my hairs turn gray! =D


---------------

"Mom, did they have e-mail back when they wrote the Bible?" Gabi asked.

I chuckled. "No not quite."

"Then why does part of the prayer say Lead us not into temptation and deliver us some e-mail?"

---------------

It's been really warm here lately, so the kids have been playing outside a lot. Thank the heavens! Well one day the kids were playing outside and Jalynn - my little nature lover- brought me a caterpillar. she looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"The caterpillar is dead." she answered.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "Maybe it's just sleeping or playing dead so you'll put it down."

"No, I'm sure. I pissed in it's ear."

My eyes widened and I choked on the potato chip I was eating. "You what?!"

"I went up to its ear and Pssst in it. It didn't move so I'm pretty sure it's dead."

--------------

My boys are addicted to video games. The other day Alex was searching for a game. He looked and looked and couldn't find it, apparently, so he came up and asked me..."Have you seen Honky Kong." I don't know why this tickled me so much but it did.


----------------

A couple of weeks ago we decided to take the kids out for dinner and were taking a poll on what people wanted to eat. Gabi chimed in with, "Can we please go to Oliver's Garden?!"

---------------

Greenlee got a couple new pair of really cute flip flops from Old Navy. They are adoreable, however, I noticed that when she wears them she tends to walk on her heels. Apparently Jalynn noticed this too and pointed out to everyone that she was walking on her "tippy heels".

---------------

Greenlee has been learning words right and left. Ofcourse she only uses them when she sees fit, but for the most part she uses them in the proper context which makes it even more adoreable. However, her newest thing is to say her version of 'Don't' she doesn't quite get it yet and leaves out the D. But it's the cutest thing when she doesn't want to do something and she looks at you and shakes her head and says,...'Noooo n't'

---------------

I bought a box of animal crackers the other day for the kids. Jalynn proceeded to bring hers home and dump them out on the table. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"The directions say not to eat them if the seal is broken. Wanna help me find the seal?"

---------------

I asked my kids the other day what love means,...these are some of their answers.

* Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt and then he wears it everyday

* Love is when Mommy gives Bobby the biggest piece of dessert

*"God could have said magic words to make the nails fall off the cross,but.............. He didn't. That's love."

*Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.

*You love us Mommy, because even when we're sick you clean up our puke and wipe it off the corners of our mouths. You must love Greenlee a lot because you are always putting your hand in her poopy diaper.

His Blessings

This may be a little deep and I don't have anything witty or cute to share today, but I have to acknowledge how awesome God is.

I am so blessed in every way.

My children though sometimes a handful, are such blessings to me. Each one adds something different to my life and I am thankful for them.

God has seen me through even the roughest situations and he is faithful to give me exactly what I need when I need it the most.

My children and being a mother don't define me as a whole, but they certainly do add so much to the definition of all that encompasses who I am. Somedday they will be grown and have children of their own. Until then, even on the days when they aren't on their best behaviors, and when I am weary and exhausted from ll that motherhood requires,....I will cherish the moments I have with them and thank God for allowing me to be as blessed as I am.

Bittersweet

It's official. My oldest is now the proud owner of a little tiny card with a hideous photo on it that many of us refer to as a drivers license.

Yes, it's true. She is licensed to kill.

Truthfully, I am thrilled for her.Even more truthfully, I feel old, and a little sad.She's always been a bit of a homebody, but I have a feeling that the license will give her a little more freedom. Much deserved freedom, I might say. But I', going to miss my lil girl.

So many milestones come along in a child's life. starting with the first smile, first word, crawling, walking, two words strung together and then whole sentences, feeding themselves, tying their shoes, Kindergarten, reading, writing, picking out clothes, doing their own hair, cooking- or at least preparing food, etc. But then the even bigger ones come. Highschool, boys/ girls, dating, prom etc.

I look at my oldest and then at my youngest who is just starting to have some milestones of her own, and I am in awe. They grow up so quickly.Prom is in April, and then summer. She'll be getting a job soon, then be a senior and headed off to college. SIGHI feel like I've just blinked and she's gone from a 6 pounds 4 ounce baby to the beauty she is today.I'm almost afraid to blink again.

It's official

Baby girl is walking.

She started taking steps the other day, but yesterday she was getting up and walking at random moments. She still only does it when SHE sees fit, and tries to go too fast and stumbles. I think she prefers the quickness of crawling still or being carried because if you try to MAKE her walk she pitches a fit LOL It's really cute and ofcourse a lil bittersweet- not walking was one of the few "baby" things she does. We still have the talking on a regular basis to master, and ofcourse growing some hair hehehe I can't wait til this spring when we can go outside and experience the world from an upright walking poisition. I keep thinking about all the new things she'll see, and touch, and smell!! :) I know I'm cheesy lol

...it started like this...

I love my kids,...and good grief do they say some of the funniest things sometimes.

We were sitting at dinner.The conversation started out talking about the new kitten whom has yet to be named. Alex was leaving the table to go get his pj's on, and he stopped,...I said, "You need to go and get them on, buddy."

So Gabi said "Oh let's name the cat Buddy!"

All three other kids offered a , "NO!" In a hurry.So then Gabi starts talking about what she wants to name her own pet when she gets one,..."Donut."

Then the topic switches to babies. All of them are stuffing their faces with chicken taquitos and refried beans as they entertained the idea of what they will name their children. Jeremy said he likes "Jeremy" lol, Jalynn likes "Sandy", Gabi wants to use "May" and even Kirstan chimed in with naming her little girl, "October". (Don't ask me what the fascination with month names is. LOL)

So, I'm listening and feeding Greenlee when Gabi asks,..."Can you have a baby whenever you want?"

"Well, yes, sometimes," I say. "It just depends."

"Well how do you do that?" she asks.

I tried to answer as evasive as possible LOL I am NOT ready for THAT convo yet. "Well there are just things you can do to try to have a baby."

"You mean there's certain food you eat that will make you pregnant?" JEREMY asks.

"Uuh, no. There might be some that will make you healthier to HAVE a baby, but not make you pregnant."

"Good," he says, I don't want to eat the wrong thing!"

I laughed.

"So what kinds of things do you have to do?" he asks, taking a huge bite out of his taquito and looking at me with the most inquisitive brown eyes.

"Well...."

"Hope?" he asks.

"Yes, you can hope to have a baby. Lots of people do that."

"Good. Then I don't have to worry about that because I won't hope for that," he says.

Then Greenlee squeals, launches a piece of cracker across the kitchen and I am apparently saved by the noisy baby, as their attention was diverted.Whew. Eventually though, I know the convo will be more real. UGH!!!